


A Fruitful Evening

by PorcelainLove



Series: The Fruit Made Me Do It [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Fruit molesting, M/M, healthy eating, hints of promptis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 16:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12088908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcelainLove/pseuds/PorcelainLove
Summary: Ignis made a mental note about needing to remove all bananas from his fridge as soon as possible. He didn’t think he’s be able to look at them again without getting aroused.(Or, a fic in which Ignis tries to get Noctis to eat something healthy and Gladio blows a banana.)





	A Fruitful Evening

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a ridiculous fic. I'm sorry in advance for the dumb.

The time had come.

Ignis had done his research.  He was ready.

Today was the day that he’d finally get Prince Noctis to eat fruit (that wasn’t freeze-dried or mixed into ice cream).  Or on cakes and covered with spun sugar.  Or, heavens-above, mashed and added in miniscule increments to crepe batter – an addition so subtle it defeated the purpose entirely. 

No, Ignis would finally have the Prince eat something nutritious and delicious and without added cavity-bait.

Noctis was a bit of a picky eater when it came to healthy food and Ignis had been trying to change that for what seemed like forever.  He hadn’t had much luck introducing it subtly, the Prince had taste buds that could rival a bloodhound: he always knew.  It was time for the direct approach.

“These are Prompto’s favourite fruits.” Ignis announced, as he waved his hand towards the vast collection of colour and shapes covering the granite countertop of the Palace kitchens.  Not all of them were, of course, but Ignis had hoped that using Noct’s best friend as incentive to try new things might end well. And, of course, Prompto had seemed overjoyed to help Ignis out.

“Oh, really? He actually likes all this stuff?”

Excellent.  There was an oddly excited expression on the Prince’s face and Ignis was delighted.  This boded well indeed.

“Of course, he’s a much better eater than you realize.  He was very willing to offer his advice.  Now,” Ignis pulled up a stool and directed his charge to sit down before taking his place on the other side of the counter. “What would you be interested in trying first?”

“Hmm.” Noct looked around and seemed to spot something he didn’t recognize.  He picked it up and passed it over to Ignis who then grabbed a nearby knife and deftly cut the fruit in half.

“Excellent choice.  This is a guava.  It’s actually very good for you, full of pectin and high in fiber and vitamin…” Ignis could actually see Noctis’s eyes start to glaze over.  Not good.  He sliced off a thin segment and presented it. 

“Eat.”

Noctis took the white and green slice and took an experimental nibble.  He grimaced and made a weird choking noise but swallowed what little he’d bitten off.

“Gross.”  The slice was abandoned presently and Ignis was annoyed to see Noctis dig out his phone and send what looked like a text message. Probably to Prompto, and possibly insulting his choice of fruit.

It didn’t look like Noctis would be choosing another piece of fruit any time soon so Ignis plucked one off the counter at random.

“This is,” He paused momentarily because he actually needed a second to remember the name. It looked like an unfortunate orange, wrinkled and rough. “Um…”

“That’s an ugly fruit.” A deep voice announced from behind Ignis.  Gladio.  That was the problem with archways instead of doors, people could just sneak in and out without so much as a whisper.

Noctis laughed heartily at Gladio’s comment and put down his phone.

“Hey, that’s rude. You’re gonna hurt the fruit’s feelings.”  The Prince didn’t look surprised to see his Shield in attendance which led Ignis to believe that Prompto hadn’t been the one Noct messaged.

Ignis cleared his throat.  “Actually, Gladio is correct.  It is a rather apt description but also the name.  U-G-L-I, to be precise.” 

He peeled off the rind and pulled out a juicy wedge.  Noct didn’t budge, just gave Ignis a suspicious look and kept his distance.  Ignis narrowed his eyes and was actually contemplating how good his aim was and how accurately he could hit Noctis in the eye at this distance while somehow still claiming it was an accident.  His plans were foiled when a large hand passed in front of his face and stole the fruit. 

Inky tattoos caught Ignis’s eye and he followed their lines up and to Gladio’s mouth.  The fruit vanished with nary a trace and Gladio grinned as he licked the juice off his palm.

“You don’t know what you’re missing, Noct.” He declared, eyes positively glowing.  “This shit’s delicious.”  He popped his thumb into his mouth to rid himself off any excess juice and Ignis could barely pull his eyes away from the sight.  There was a wet pop as Gladio finished the job and Ignis felt his face flush slightly.

That man and his… everything.  If he didn’t know what Ignis thought about him before, he was more than slightly oblivious.  If he didn’t notice anything now, he was a fool.  Blush colouring his cheeks, gawking as the big man licked himself clean… Ignis felt like _want_ incarnate.

Ignis closed his eyes and thought of still water and trees blowing in the breeze.  Chocobos galloping off into the sunset.  Steam drifting up from a lovely cup of black coffee.  Peaceful scenes.  Calming moments. 

There was a scrape of boot against stone and Ignis opened his eyes again to see Gladio walk around the counter and lean back against a table that held a smaller assortment of fruit.  Ignis had actually prepared them for himself to take home. 

Gladio casually placed himself directly in Ignis’s line of sight but Noct couldn’t see him unless he physically turned around.  And he smirked.  And Ignis did not want to think about what that expression did to his loins.

This did not bode well for the Crown’s advisor.

Gladio picked up a banana.

No.  This was a terrible idea.

Even more unfortunate was that Noctis decided this was the moment to show some more interest in fruit. 

“If Gladio likes it I guess it can’t be that bad.  What’re these?  They look like candy.” 

“Those are actually currants.  This one is red, as you can plainly see, but the royal horticulturists of Insomnia have also created blue, white, and rainbow variants as well. Everything is washed, please try some.”

While the Prince sampled the red currants and shifted around the rest of the fruit closest to him to find the other colours, Ignis allowed himself a quick glance towards Gladio.

He never did learn when to quit, did he.  Ignis thought that of himself, that is.  Gladio… well… Ignis hoped the Prince would stay sufficiently distracted so as not to see just how obscenely his Shield was ravaging the banana.

Gladio had pulled the peel clean off and had waited until Ignis was looking before dragging his tongue over the tip and flicking at it.  Then he attacked the rest, moving his tongue down and up the sides.  And then, by the Six, taking it inch by inch into his mouth until only a tiny portion remained before pulling it back out.  He didn’t even gag.

His eyes never left Ignis’s face.

“Good bananas, Noct. You outta try one.” Gladio said cheekily as he finally bit into the fruit, and polished it off in a few bites.

“I know what bananas taste like, but thanks.”  Noctis seemed to be enjoying the berries and Ignis made a mental note to inquire as to whether they could grow any more colours.  Noctis liked yellow and gold a lot, maybe golden berries would be a decent idea? 

He added a post script about needing to remove all bananas from his fridge as soon as possible. He didn’t think he’s be able to look at them again without getting aroused.

“How about this?” Noct had picked up a salak fruit, actually one of Ignis’s favorites that he’d added to the fruit pile as an afterthought.  The scaly skin looked intimidating but came off easily with a pinch in the right place.  “Looks like a deformed snake.”

“It’s actually colloquially known as snake fruit, so very good guess.”  Ignis peeled it apart and let Noctis take one of the lobes before indulging in a piece himself.  It was delicious, just the right combination of sweet to sour that ensured you would eat enough to satisfy but not overindulge.  Noct didn’t seem too impressed though. 

Perhaps fruit on the sweeter end of the spectrum would be a better choice.  On the plus side, Ignis never had to worry about anyone wanting him to share.

“This is rather different but I think you’ll enjoy it.  It’s called chom chom.”  Ignis looked down and began to peel the hairy outer layer off the oddly designed fruit and saw something moving out of the corner of his eye.

Gladio had found Ignis’s second favourite fruit: cherries.  And Ignis was afraid to see what the tattooed Adonis was doing to them.

“Oh man, Specs.  These are amazing.”  Ignis was very proud of himself for taking the initiative and asking Prompto for his help.  And for pleading with the chefs and bakers to use another kitchen for the evening so Noctis could sample without their unnecessary input.  It just made Noctis unhappy when Ignis tried to coerce him, but a whole room full of people?  That would be an anxiety attack in the making.

Ignis risked a quick look over Noctis’s head when the Prince ducked down to eat some more.  A lot more, judging by the pile of skins that was slowly forming at the edge of the counter.

Gladio had a pair of cherries by their stem and… oh my.  He dangled them over his tongue, mouth opened wide, and Ignis watched wide-eyed as they were pulled from their stems with nothing but the strength of that incredibly flexible muscle.  He couldn’t help from wondering how Gladio’s mouth must taste with all those different flavors milling around inside.

Ignis had to pull himself away from that erotic sight, thankfully missing the part where Gladio, presumably, spat out the pits.  There wasn’t much sexiness to be had with that aspect of fruit molestation and Ignis had no desire to see it.  Besides, Noctis had decided to be adventurous and was now up and moving round and round, trying to find more food to experiment with.

They must have all been in the kitchen for a while.  Gladio kept up his _hilarious_ game of ensuring Ignis would regret coming to work in his tightest pants.  Noctis was a treasure and was probably eating a month’s worth of fruit without any prompting.  Ignis knew he should say something else the boy also end the evening with a horrible stomachache but he was off his game and just… let it happen.

Ignis would offer his apologies when or if the occasion arose.

Soon enough, however, it was hard to keep up appearances.  Gladio had licked and sucked his way through all the juiciest, ripest fruit he could possibly find and Ignis was very much hoping he could bid Noctis goodnight from _behind_ the counter.

Noct had just decided on something yellow and pointy when his cell phone vibrated.  In the silence, it seemed very loud indeed and shocked Ignis into awareness of just how late in the evening it was.

The Prince wiped his juice-stained hands on his pants which made Ignis cringe, and checked the message that popped up.

“Sorry Iggy, gotta go.  Prompto’s waiting outside and I totally forgot I said he could stay over tonight.”

“Ah, yes.” Ignis’s main thought was less of being charge-less and more that it meant he and Gladio would finally be alone.  He didn’t know if his sudden nervousness was from anticipation or dread.

Noct seemed to be waiting for Ignis to speak again but there just wasn’t enough blood left in the advisor’s head by this point for him to figure out what the Prince needed. It was embarrassing, Ignis felt more than a little shamed at his conduct and lack of attention that evening, so he made one final effort.

“I am sorry, Noct.  I didn’t intend to keep you this long.  Please offer Prompto my apologies for having kept you.”

“…you’re not coming?”  Ah, that’s right.  He usually drove them both to Noctis’s apartment. 

“I unfortunately have to clean up all of this.” Ignis motioned to the remaining produce and bowed his head in remorse. “I shall come along once I’m finished although that may be a little while.”

“Oh. Well, no, that’s cool.  I’d wait but I think Prompto’s really itching to get—be off.  Be off!”  Noct cleared his throat and Ignis heard a small chuckle from the direction of… his temptation. 

Gladio laughed at the most random instances these days, Ignis never understood why.

Gladio rose from his slouch against the back table and came closer to Noctis.  He was holding a bunch of bananas.

“Call Monica. Or Jared.  I saw them around when I arrived, they might still be close. And here,” Gladio thrust the unfortunately phallic fruit into Noctis’s arms.  “Prompto loves bananas.”

Ignis could have sworn he saw Noctis’s nose scrunch in irritation and there was a shadow of a glare in his eyes but it vanished after an instant.

“Thanks…”

Gladio was looked entirely too pleased with himself as he smacked Noct on the shoulder and pushed him off towards the exit.  The Prince waved once and then was lost in his mobile once more, fingers typing at an insane pace as he left.  Ignis waited until he could no longer hear the click of boots before he turned to face Gladio.

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself this evening, Gladiolus.”

Ignis got a shrug and a grin in reply.  When it seemed that no actual words would be passing those delectable lips anytime soon, Ignis sighed and moved back towards the cupboards behind him.  There was a lot of fruit to put away and the kitchen staff would be very unhappy if it was all just tossed haphazardly into the fridge.

“Would you mind helping me, at least?” He called over his shoulder as he rummaged for an appropriately sized bowl.  Or ten.

An amused hum was directing towards him.  Evidently Gladio didn’t want to speak to Ignis for some reason but that was perfectly fine with him.  If Gladio spoke then Ignis would feel he had to look, have to pay attention to those amber eyes, and that wicked mouth.  No, Ignis was quite all right with not being drawn into that again.

Everything was put away in silence. 

Ignis still felt like the air was crackling around him.  He was hyperaware of every action the Shield took, every time he stretched, every time he leaned over.  When they had both grabbed for the same apple and their hands had touched, Ignis had almost jumped out of his skin at the contact.

Gladio was sizzlingly hot and the perpetually chilled advisor immediately wanted to feel those hands all over his body.  The best part about being the Prince’s chauffeur was that he was always in charge of the thermostat.  But if he had the choice, he’d take hot hands over an inanimate object any day of the week.

They were finished, finally.  Ignis was thankfully feeling much calmer and had just finished washing his knife and placing it on the drying rack.  He opened his mouth to say his farewells to his silent companion when he was surprised to find Gladio standing right beside him.

The Shield wasn’t much taller than Ignis but he seemed like a giant in these close quarters.

“Yes?” Ignis quirked an eyebrow and was intrigued to see Gladio hold up a strawberry.

“It’s the last one.  Want it?”

“I…uh…”

Gladio seemed to take Ignis’s flustered mutterings as a no because he proceeded to flash a smile that made Ignis feel weak in the knees.  Then he placed the strawberry against his lips in an odd mimicry of a kiss, before white teeth bit into the fruit. 

It was like Gladio had either the best or the worst luck ever since he always managed to get the ripest fruit possible.  A small red line of juice tricked its way down his index finger to puddle in the curve of his wrist.

Ignis could tell Gladio knew exactly what he was doing.  And he’d had enough.  It was time to prove he wasn’t the purest man in all of Insomnia.  This angel had horns keeping up his halo.

“Actually, I would like a taste.”

And before Gladio could even craft a sarcastic or innuendo-laced response, Ignis brought the hand in question to his mouth and wrapped his lips around the stained digit.  He made sure to look the Shield right in the eyes, unblinkingly, as he swirled his tongue around the tip of Gladio’s strong finger and gathered up the ghostly remnants of the berry.

Ignis let his eyes fall to slits and stared up through his lashes as he followed the red path down to a muscular wrist and let his tongue flick and stroke and devour what it could.  He could taste the sweetness of the berry mixed with the salt of Gladio’s skin.  He decided then that he’d never had a more perfect dessert.

Ignis let Gladio’s hand fall away, eventually, and reveled in the outright fire that blazed in those beautiful eyes before him.

“You have a very… talented tongue.” Gladio managed to verbalize, somehow.  His voice sounded raw and rough, like he had just woken from a long nap and could suddenly see everything in a new light.

“You have no idea.” Ignis purred smoothly, noticing a distinct hitch in Gladio’s breathing as he did so.  And then Ignis turned on his heel and left the kitchen, his shoes making a slight squeak as they hit polished marble.

There was an audible gulp behind him, from the general direction of one Gladiolus Amiticia if Ignis had to guess.  And then a hurried noise that came closer and closer before Ignis felt himself being pulled back into a broad, muscular chest.  He smiled to himself.

“Oh, the things I’m gonna do to you…” There was a lusty voice at his ear, beard stubble brushing against his skin.  Ignis decided that he loved the feeling.  And the promise.

“Not if I beat you to it.”  There was something hard pressed into his thigh, a sure sign that Gladio wouldn’t be holding back.  Ignis had to bite back a moan else he lose control completely.  Instead, his lips wrapped around the best possible words to say.

“And I have this sudden craving for a banana…”


End file.
